"Stop Being A Chicken"

I have to be honest and say that I have absolutely no desire to eat anything from the guy on the street corner selling food from a cart. I don't care how hard my friends try to convince me that “it's amazing”or that “he makes the best chicken in town.” I'm the guy who doesn't like eating the trail mix out of the public bowl at a bar, what in the hell makes you think I want to eat poultry from a guy in a tent next to an adult book store? There is a guy in our neighborhood that literally drives around selling taco's out of his van. His VAN! How do I know he's not some pervert that preys on adults but instead of candy to lure me in he uses chorizo? Now obviously that's a stretch but as a child you get it drilled into your head not to talk to strangers and to inspect your candy thoroughly at Halloween, so now as an adult it's difficult to go against that and purchase cuisine out of a Chevy. The guy on my block that sells food on the corner has no health inspection sticker, no sink, no “employees must wash hands before returning to work" sign and still people line up to buy bags of chicken sandwiches out of his ice chest. Here's the thing, it's probably delicious but I'm such a nut that in my head he went out and found a street corner, bought a tent, assembled it, paid off the cops, found a chicken, killed it, cooked it, poisoned it, and has been waiting for me ever since. No thank you sir. I prefer to get food poisoning the old fashion way.. by eating Taco Bell at 3am.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

I'm thinking it's time to bring back segregation.
I was having lunch the other day at a place that was (unknown to me) a "dog friendly" patio. This is for dog owners who like to enjoy a meal while their pets annoy other people for a change. Aside from being unsanitary, bringing a dog around tons and tons of people food is a little cruel if you ask me. It's the equivalent of taking your girlfriend to Tiffany's Jewelry and telling her not to touch anything. She'd be under the bracelet counter whining louder then a cocker spaniel for a piece of bacon.
The place was mayhem. Dogs jumping on tables, fighting with other dogs, drinking iced tea out of their owners' cups. I'm a huge dog lover, however, I'm still not 100 percent comfortable with people mixing animals and food; I don't want to eat lunch in a kennel. So I'm outside on the patio of this petting zoo when all of a sudden a dog shakes and a gust of wind blows dog hair directly into my mouth. It was on my face, my food, and floating in my coffee. Now at this point I'm helpless, it's not like I can scold the dog. In fact, I can't even complain to the waiter; "Excuse me sir, there is hair in my food!"
How would he respond? "Yeah, there is a lot of hair in your food but unfortunately for you we don't have a German Shepard on the grill."
As I'm picking follicles out of my eggs, another dog on a leash comes up under my table and just stares at me begging for food. At one point the owner looks at me from her table and goes "Aww.. looks like Bella made a new friend. It's ok, you can give him a bite, it won't hurt him."
"Oh can I? Thank you so much!"
How did I become responsible for feeding YOUR animal? How about when I'm done feeding him I can bathe him and take him for a walk also?
Then she says 'If you're going to feed him, make him do a trick first."
The only trick I'm interested in your dog doing is getting far away from me, but unfortunately "Bella" doesn't understand the "piss off" command.
It's just ridiculous how we treat animals like people and people like animals.
There are literally homeless people around the corner begging for food and you're sitting here feeding pancakes to an already overweight bulldog.
I'm not for equality. I say let's love our food and love our animals but not in the same place at the same time.